This is a short list of sayings that should be retired as of 1 January 2011. It seemed more appropriate to combine them under one heading, "common useless sayings". But make no mistake, I despise each of them enough to warrant a separate post for each. In the interest of simplicity, they have been lumped together in two posts for your convenience.
Part One
"I know, right?" or "I know. Right?"
Regardless of which way it's written, the common expression grates on my nerves in a very unique way. When I hear it, I can't help but to think of some vapid, thoughtless blonde who wears matching outfits with her mini-Labradoodle. It turns my stomach even more when I hear a man say it. It's the vocal equivalent of a dead fish handshake. It just sounds sissy-like.
To answer your question, yes. I do know. That's why I said it. Thanks for taking the time to really consider what I was talking about and form a conclusion which is both in agreement with me as well as thought-provoking. I know, right? Please.
2010 response: "Yes, right. That's what I just said."
2011 response: Undecided. I don't want to pretend that I didn't hear the trite phrase. I'll have to think of something.
"FML"
Let's just say that if you're typing a complaint into your phone or on a computer, either of which being connected to the Internet, and end the complaint with "FML", odds are that you are experiencing what is called a 'First-World Problem'. I would venture to guess that what ever this world-ending crisis is that you are currently experiencing shouldn't be summed up with "fuck my life". I highly doubt it's that big of a deal. This isn't to suggest that we can't experience such moments here in the US of A. But if this tragedy is on par with any of the scenarios in Alanis Morissette's "Ironic", you'll be okay. So, relax. You're so-called fucked life will right itself within the hour.
2010 response: I just ignored it.
2011 response: "God! That's just awful. How on Earth do you cope?" Or something silly like that.
"No worries."
Simple. You aren't Australian. So, quit it.
2010 response: "Yeah, mate."
2011 response: "Good on-ya!" Sure, I'm just trading a hand for a glove with this one, but I don't care. Oh swells...
"Bitches!"
Ladies, I need some help with this one. If you're one to care about achieving any level of equality or respect that you may assume your male counterparts have, stop allowing "bitches" to fall at the end of so many sentences that it almost seems like an accepted form of punctuation. And if you are one to be prone to saying such a thing, how's your mini-Labradoodle?
2010 response: I did nothing.
2011 response: I may just ask those gals why they like to be called a bitch. Or I'll ask about their toy dog. This isn't completely sorted out just yet.
"I hate drama." and "I'm a laid-back person."
If you have said one or both of these phrases, you are a liar. No person I have ever thought of as being laid-back has ever had to tell me so. Also, I've never known someone to say that they hated drama and not find out they alone were the sole cause of the vast majority of their life's drama.
2010 response: I just kept listening to the lies.
2011 response: I think I'll just overly agree with people who say this. But it's likely I won't encounter any of these situations because I really hate drama and that stuff really makes me unlaid-back. Uh...wait a second.